A Staten Island Love Letter 2 Page 4

  “I’ll be here,” I told her and plopped down in the chair next to his bed. My legs were shaking, and I was worried, although I tried to play like it was cool. I prayed silently that Staten was fine. Even with him being stubborn, I could see the fear in his eyes. He was always the tough one that didn’t take shit and for once I saw that vulnerable side of him and it scared me. If he was scared and he feared nothing, then I was afraid too.

  What’s Ms. Rae’s number? I sent Free a text message. She hadn’t been up to the hospital since yesterday when everything went down. I was surprised that Ghost waited so long before he called Shakira. Then again, he was dealing with a lot and his head probably wasn’t in the right place.

  Why what happened? G won’t answer his phone, she texted back, and I rolled my eyes. I loved Freedom like no other, but sis was selfish and didn’t know it. She never knew when she was coming off as being selfish. I didn’t give a shit about what G wasn’t doing when it came to her messages. He knew about the twins and I told her that it would happen. What did she think? She would move back, and he wouldn’t do the math in his head? Ghost wasn’t a fool and I’m pretty sure he was already thinking about the twins being his, but just needed more proof. Right now she needed to stop pushing and let him deal with what he had going on. I loved my niece and nephew, but right now wasn’t about them. Freedom needed to check that ego at the door and be there for him, not worry about herself or the twins. There would be plenty of time for that… right now wasn’t the time.

  I dialed her number and she picked up on the first ring. “Is everything good there?”

  “Send me her number and stop bringing up whatever you and G are going through. Free, right now isn’t the fucking time,” I said through gritted teeth. My ass had already snuck back into the hospital and the last thing I needed was to be caught going off on my twin sister via the phone.

  “I just texted it to you. What is going on?”

  “Staten got rushed to emergency surgery again. I need to tell his mother and you playing games,” I ended the call and sent Ms. Rae a text message. She replied and said she was coming down.

  I leaned back in the chair and watched the news while saying another prayer. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why I was praying so much. I had never been the type that prayed for things. I lived life hoping that shit turned out for me. Never did I drop down and say a prayer. Right now, I tossed any and everything I felt away and said a prayer for Staten. The Davis’ didn’t need this right now. First Summer and then Staten. Life couldn’t be this cruel to take two good people away from earth.

  “What happened?” Ms. Rae came rushing through the door. “Liberty, what the hell happened?”

  “He was coughing up blood so they’re going to see what is wrong before anything else happens. He’s in good hands, Ms. Rae.”

  “Why the hell is all of this happening to us?” she sighed and sat down on the other available chair. “I feel like I can’t win for losing.”

  “Everything will be alright. Summer and Staten are strong because they have your blood flowing through them. No negative thoughts are allowed,” I hugged her, and she sighed.

  “Thank you, Liberty. Ghost told Shakira not to press charges. She’s still trying to talk her way out of that man showing up to the hospital.”

  “Did he leave?”

  “He did. Security escorted him out. I can’t handle it if my baby Summer isn’t Ghost’s baby,” I hated to break it to her, but she wasn’t. Everyone knew except Ghost. Often, I wondered if Ghost knew about all the shit that was going on with Shakira. Like, you couldn’t be that blind and not see the shit she got herself into.

  “There’s been rumors out there, Ms. Rae. I’ve heard about it myself, but decided to mind my business since it wasn’t my business to tell.”

  “Gyson raised that little girl since she came out of the womb. She’s all he knows as her father. It would crush him if she wasn’t in fact his biological daughter.”

  “Shakira has made a mess of the entire situation and it’s sad. The only one who suffers is poor Summer.”

  Ms. Rae sat there and stared into space. This woman was holding her entire family on her back. She was worried about her granddaughter and now her son who was in surgery. If that wasn’t enough, she was also trying to mediate the situation between Zeek and Shakira. All of that shit was too much for me, so I could only imagine how she felt having to navigate through the drama that her family carried.

  “He sent me to get him some chips… what happened?” her eyes were watering before she could even get the words out.

  “He went back to surgery,” Ms. Rae had informed her. She sighed and a tear fell from her cheek.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just so emotional,” she apologized.

  “You’re fine. Take a seat,” I gave up my seat and leaned near the built-in closets. Chanel was trying to get herself together, but each time she did more tears left her eyes.

  Everyone knew that Chanel was like Staten’s golden egg. She was fragile and he didn’t play about her. I personally felt like they were more than friends, but both of them swore that they were just friends. They were too close for my liking, but who was I to speak about anyone’s personal relationship. I couldn’t even get my shit together with a man. I used men for sex and then moved onto the next one. Love hadn’t lived in my heart in a long time, especially not for the opposite sex. While a man was trying to get to know me, I was too busy worrying about his motives. Men loved to walk around like they were God’s gift to earth and that may have been true to an extent. Yet, the walked around lying and breaking hearts like that shit was cool. I’ve experienced heartbreak so bad that I thought I was having a heart attack.

  It was one of the reasons I taught Somali and Samaj that sticks and stones shit was bull. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but they healed – eventually. Words did hurt and they triggered mental things that we could never comprehend. Words did hurt and I wished schools would have stopped teaching kids that it didn’t. Love was something that I knew wasn’t in the cards for me. I had spent many nights looking in the mirror and thinking, and had come to the terms that love just wasn’t it for me. Don’t get me wrong, it was a beautiful thing when it was done correctly. Deep down, I craved a man to love and put me first. I wanted him to love me so hard that I never needed seek validation from other niggas. I needed him to love me so hard that he would rather hurt himself before he brought himself to hurt me. A man that was in touch with his feelings and wasn’t broken. The issue was that our men aren’t being held accountable. In church, you hear about women being better wives, mothers, and homemakers, yet you never hear about men being better husbands.

  I was so tired of men saying they didn’t express their feelings because it was soft. Nah, I wanted a man that could sit and discuss how he’s feeling without me judging him. My heart craved a King, but when you were surrounded with jokers, you had to play the game and protect your queen of hearts. I yawned and then looked at my Apple watch. Chanel and Ms. Rae were in a deep conversation.

  “I’m going to head home. I’ll stop by tomorrow to see if he’s alright.”

  Chanel’s face told me that she didn’t even want me in the room. “You don’t need to do that,” she assured me.

  “It’s alright. I don’t mind at all. You work on the second floor, right?”

  She nodded her head. “Yep.”

  Her response oozed shade and I wasn’t in the mood for her shit. A shower, cigarette and my bed was well needed. “See you later, Ms. Rae,” I replied and headed toward the door.

  “Thank you so much, Liberty. See you tomorrow, hun.”

  “I’ll make sure to bring some food when I come. I’ll text you,” I smiled and headed out the door. Chanel’s face told me that she didn’t want me around or stopping by Staten’s room. This was why the hell I knew something was going on between the both of them. A friend wouldn’t be that pissed with another friend stopping by to help out. Me and Staten weren’t e
ven friends. He knew my family and I knew his, so it was always respect when we saw each other. Chanel needed to pipe her ass down because she met the same fate that slutty ass Shakira met.

  4

  Priest

  “Wow, you’re baking a pretty big baby. He’s already six pounds and you have two more months to go.” The doctor rubbed the gel off her stomach and then tossed the smock into the trash.

  “Really? I was worried that I was showing small. My friend had said I was carrying small.” Kiss accepted the doctor’s help to sit up.

  He sat down on the stool in front of the examination table. “I’ve had women come in here smaller than you deliver ten-pound babies. Babies are quite smart at finding places to hide where it doesn’t seem like they’re not too big in the womb,” he replied with a smile on his face. “I’m estimating that your baby will be around eight pounds when you deliver,” he informed the both of us.

  “How am I going to push out a baby? I’m so small down the—”

  “Aye, Kiss,” I stopped her. Just thinking about my niece delivering a baby had been something I hadn’t come to terms with. Her stomach was clear evidence of her impending birth, but to me it still felt unreal.

  The doctor chuckled. “Clearly, your uncle isn’t ready to see you deliver your baby. Don’t look so worried, Mr. Mooney.” The doctor continued to chuckle. “Have you discussed who is going to be in the delivery room with you?”

  Kiss shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure yet.”

  “I’ll be in the room,” I spoke up.

  “You’ll pass out,” Kiss rolled her eyes. “I haven’t thought about it yet, Doc. I’ll have the final list at our next appointment,” she told him.

  “Okay. Go to the front to schedule your next appointment and get your prescription. I want you to pick up some iron pills. You can get them over the counter,” he advised. “Your iron is low.”

  “Okay, I’ll pick them up for her on the way home,” I told him.

  “Perfect. I’ll see you and baby boy next visit,” he gently tapped Kiss and then headed out the room.

  Kiss turned her attention to me and smirked. “You’re not equipped to see me deliver my baby. Ro, you would pass out before I even push the baby out.”

  I laughed because she was speaking the truth. The thought of my niece, the same niece that I used to change diapers for, pushing out a baby scared the shit out of me. It didn’t matter how scared I was, because this baby was going to come regardless. I tried getting into Kiss’ head and seeing how she felt, except she put on a brave face and acted as if everything was fine. I blamed Sandy for that shit. Sandy’s entire world could be falling apart, and she would put on a smile and go on about her day as if nothing happened. Kiss was the same way. She still wouldn’t open up and speak about the father of the baby. I knew like hell that Kiss wasn’t out there giving it up like she wanted me to believe. She knew who the baby’s father was and she didn’t want to tell anyone.

  “We can stop at CVS before I drop you off home,” I told her as I draped my arm around her shoulder, and we headed to the front of the office.

  Kiss made her appointment, grabbed her prescriptions and we were out the door. “We really need to get the guest room together for the baby. Oh, and the baby shower. My friends have been asking me about it,” I held the car door open for her and she slid inside.

  “You’re not turning the guest bedroom into the nursery and you’re not having a baby shower,” I nonchalantly replied and started the whip. Out the corner of my eyes I could see her toss her long tresses over her shoulders, as she stared a hole into the side of my face.

  I had been thinking about what Staten and G had said to me and the shit made sense. Kiss was already seventeen and pregnant. If I made the shit super easy on her, what would stop her from bringing another baby through my doors? She knew that they all were my heart and I could never say no to either of them. Kiss had went from being timid about this pregnancy to getting excited and the shit pissed me off slightly. She should have been concerned about college applications, not diapers and clothes for a baby.

  “What do you mean? Where’s my baby supposed to sleep?”

  “In your room.”

  She sucked her teeth. “I don’t have room for the baby in my room. He has to go down the hall… I can even ask Love if she would switch so he can be closer to my room.”

  “You can ask Love all you want, but the baby is going into your room. We can remove that big ass make-up vanity and put it somewhere else. He don’t even need much besides a basinet,” I watched my sister have each of my nieces and she barely had the bare minimum for them. She used hand me downs for each girl and they all turned out fine. I wasn’t going to the Good Will for Kiss’s baby, but she didn’t need all the latest fly shit.

  “Really, Ro? Why are you being like this?” she sucked her teeth and then folded her arms over her swollen belly.

  “We had a good visit today… don’t fuck it up,” I told her. Today had been a good day and I hadn’t been having too many of those as of lately.

  I was up at the hospital with Justice almost every day and nothing had changed. This nigga Todd had the nerve to visit when I left for a few hours. The shit I wanted to do to him kept me awake at night. That nigga made sure he always had family visiting. There was never a moment when he was alone. If I ever caught him alone, I would pull a pillow over his fucking face and suffocate the shit out of him. It was crazy how they allowed him to switch the story of what happened. The nigga was drinking with Justice in the car and they got into an accident. When it came to cops and firefighters, they would protect their own before telling the truth. While I was in my head, I could hear Kiss going off about not being able to celebrate her baby with her friends. I never put my hands on the girls, but right about now I wanted to slap the shit out of her.

  “Can I have something small to celebrate my baby?” she continued on and I was trying to avoid going off on her.

  The last thing I wanted was to ruin this good day. Except, I knew Kiss and she wouldn’t leave this alone until she had her way. Usually, I would give in and allow her to have the baby shower, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. This time was different. She wasn’t bringing home a bad grade or letter. Kiss was bringing home a baby and that wasn’t something I could accept. I mean, I could accept it because it was a piece of Kiss, but I wasn’t going to make shit easy for her. She wasn’t going to float around thinking life was grand, when she was in fact a teenage mother. To make all this shit worst, was the fact that she didn’t want to give up who her baby’s daddy was.

  “Nah. You heard what I said,” I pulled into the driveway. She didn’t wait until I killed the engine before she hopped out of the car and stomped into the house.

  “Ever since you’ve found out about the baby you have treated me like shit!” she screamed.

  Our very white neighbor happened to be checking her mailbox when the words flew out of Kiss’s mouth. Her eyes widened as she tried to take her time pulling the mail out of the box. Her ass usually headed to the mailbox and was back in the house before the front door could close behind her. Her ass was lingering because she was being nosey as fuck.

  “You hear yourself? Do you not live in this big ass house? Have your own room? Still get your hair done every two weeks and still have money in your pockets? How the fuck am I treating you like shit?” Kiss’ life hadn’t changed much since I found out that she was pregnant. Other than the fact that she was now toting a belly around.

  “It’s not about any of that, Ro!” she screamed. “Since I’ve taken a leave from school all you do is stick me with the girls, chores and homework. You’re hardly ever home anymore and I get that, but when you do come home and I want to discuss things with the baby, you blow me off.”

  I couldn’t front like she wasn’t telling the truth because she was. When I came home from handling business or being up at the hospital with Justice, the last thing I wanted to talk about was Kiss and her baby. The more I t
ried to act like this baby wasn’t coming, the more things that revolved around the baby was brought into my face.

  “Kiss, you’re being dramatic and showing your ass in front of the neighbors,” I replied and followed her into the house.

  She stomped around the kitchen mumbling shit under her breath. “You’re so busy trying to be everything for everyone else, and I need you.”

  “Nah, don’t even try and bring that shit on me. I just found out you were pregnant a couple weeks ago, not once did you try and tell me before then,” I waved her off. Something clicked in me and I turned around and faced her. “Have you ever thought about me? Did you take one fucking second out of your selfish ass life to think about how I felt? Did I want to be raising a new baby?”

  “It’s my baby. Why the hell would you be raising my child?”

  “Kiss, you’re fucking seventeen years old. Do you really think you can do this alone and go to college? Sometimes I don’t even know what the fuck be going through your head,” I barked on her and went into the fridge.

  She stood there looking at me with tears in her eyes. “I can raise my baby without you, Ro. You really think since my mama died that you’re the boss of me. Newsflash, you’re not the only one helping to raise us. I help and do everything with the girls,” she placed her hand on what was visible of her hip.

  “Your mama died and left your ungrateful ass with me. I gave up my twenties and raised y’all. You know what life I could have fucking had? The one time I find something or someone for me it’s an issue. I got to the hospital, so what? What about all those times when I sat up in the crib nursing y’all from being sick with a cold? Did I run to the fucking club and leave you for self? Your period? Who fucking researched everything and explained that shit to you? I didn’t see your fucking father do any of that shit!” I yelled and slammed the fridge shut.

  Kiss jumped and stared at me with tears streaming down her eyes. I didn’t feel bad for none of the shit that I had said. It was me who sacrificed shit to give them a better life. I never complained because I loved my nieces. Still, when all I heard was complaints from Kiss, that shit got on my fucking nerves. She could have been in foster care, but I never let that happen. Her father was a poor excuse for a man. That nigga heard Sandy died and didn’t bother to come around and help with the girls. Still, I didn’t need him or anybody. I would carry any burdens on my back when it came to Love, Kiki and Kiss. It pissed me off when Kiss tried to do that guilt shit. She knew that they all came first, and she loved to throw that shit in my face. She started all of this because she couldn’t have a baby shower or the guest bedroom for the baby.