Married to a Brownsville Bully 2 Page 2

“I was wondering if you wanted to go and grab some dinner. We’ve been here all day and the last thing on either of our minds was food. I’m hungry, so I know you’re hungry.”

  How was I supposed to break it to her that I didn’t plan on staying the night? It was already eleven at night and I knew I wouldn’t get home until after midnight. Eva’s facial expression told me that she was already expecting me to spend the night with her.

  “Ma, we can grab something to eat and then I can drop you back off here. I gotta head home and deal with some shit that happened earlier.”

  “Figures,” she mumbled.

  “Why you being like that?”

  “Because you told me we’re taking a break, don’t call me and then you show up here with a hard dick and I allow you to fuck me. That’s not fair to me,” she complained.

  It wasn’t fair and I could see how she felt. When I told her that I was taking a break from our situation, she was pissed. Even when she continued to text and call, I would ignore the shit out of her. I mean, why would I answer the phone? My mind was all wrapped into Golden. Deep in my soul, I knew that me and Eva would never be. Yeah, she had all the qualifications when it came to what I wanted in a woman. I mean, she had almost all of them, but there was still something missing, and I couldn’t figure the shit out. Even while trying to figure it out, I was still trying to be with her. Out of nowhere, she did that clingy shit which turned me off altogether. As a man, I knew I wasn’t right by coming in her home, fucking her and then bouncing back home. I’m all about admitting when I’m wrong and leading her on and fucking with her feelings was fucked up on my part.

  “I’m sorry, Eva. It was fucked up of me to come in here and do you like that, I apologize. Shit had got hard for me, and I came to something familiar, and that shit wasn’t fair to you.”

  “It wasn’t. Now what? We go back to acting like we don’t know each other? I’m so in love with you, Yoshon. How can I act like I’m not when I am and want to be with you?” she poured her feelings out to me.

  I had love for Eva, but I didn’t love her. She was someone I cared about and never wanted bad to come onto her, yet I wasn’t in love with her. The same feelings she felt for me wasn’t reciprocated when it came to her. She was someone that I wanted to fuck when I was in the mood, and occasionally share a meal with. When I thought about a wife, kids, and a life together, Eva wasn’t the woman for me.

  “Eva, we can’t continue to do this same song and dance. I don’t want to hurt you, and I can see I’ve already done that. We can always be friends and I’m here whenever you need me.”

  “But, you’re just not in love with me. It’s that assistant, right?”

  “Nah, this isn’t even about her. This is about me and you, and you continue to bring her into this shit. I’ve felt like this before you knew she was staying with me.”

  She climbed out the bed and wrapped her robe around her body. “Yoshon, forget about the food, me and everything that has me tied to it. I’m a fool to believe that we would be more than fuck buddies. For six months, you sat there and got what you wanted out of the deal, and me? All I got was free fucking meals and dick. It doesn’t take six months for us to put a title on what we’re doing.”

  Jumping out of bed, I grabbed my pants and pulled them up. “What you failed to realize is that I’m not every fucking body. I’m Yoshon Santana, and I move how I want to move. If it takes six months or sixteen months, that’s what the fuck it’ll take.”

  “Just go.” Was all she said as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I could tell she was hurt and I hated that it had to be me that ended up hurting her.

  Pulling on the rest of my clothes, I grabbed my keys and dipped. While she was giving me the out, I was going to take that shit. Knowing Eva, she would come out the bathroom crying and screaming if I stood around. In a few days, I would call and check up on her. Eva was strong and knew how to handle herself. A man that deserved her would come around and sweep her off her feet, and I was sure of it. I just wasn’t that man for her. I’d rather be real with her now, then lead her on and hurt her even more. She wasn’t the woman for me, and I finally said it loud and clear. After being with Golden, I got that feeling. I couldn’t even compare the shit to how I felt with Ashleigh; it was different. It was different, yet it felt good. I wanted to be with her every waking moment. Even while I was pissed with her, I still wanted to go home and hold her in my arms.

  Soon as I pulled off, I dialed Grape back and waited for him to answer. When he did, I could tell he was asleep. “Damn, what the fuck you been in? After you left, I been hitting your jack.”

  “I was at Eva’s crib. I’m on my way back to the crib now, what’s up?”

  “That Fear situation… who the fuck knew he was married to Golden. You think this a set up?” The main reason me and Grape had been friends for years was because he looked at shit from every angle. While I wasn’t thinking that way, he was already ahead of the game and ready for whatever I wanted done.

  “Nah, you saw how she damn near jumped out her skin when she saw him?”

  “True, just needed to see what you thought. Her son was scared as shit too; fuck is that about?”

  “I don’t know. Check it; I do plan to speak to Fear’s ass and find out what the fuck this shit is about.”

  “All I heard was beat and rape and was ready to lay that nigga down. If it wasn’t your crib and Pit Pat wasn’t there, I would have.”

  “We’ll let him rock. I’m heading to the crib to shower and get some sleep. Eva’s ass got all emotional about us not being together and shit.”

  “The fuck did you show up there in the first place? You already know how she feel about you, why the fuck confuse shit even more for her?”

  “Pussy good, I guess. I was driving and the next thing I know, I pulled up in front of her crib. She’s familiar, you know.”

  “Yeah, familiar means she’ll make issues. Golden doesn’t tell the truth once, and you’re running back to your old fling. Kid, get your shit together, man.”

  “Shut the fuck,” I joked. “It happened once, that’s all. I’m ‘bout to head to the crib, so I’ll holla at you in the morning.”

  “Bet. One thing… did you speak to your sis?”

  “Nah, I haven’t heard from her in a minute, she good?”

  “I’m just asking… yeah, she good. Go ahead and get home, holla at you tomorrow,” he told me and we ended the call.

  I didn’t like the tone in Grape’s voice when he mentioned Yolani. We hadn’t spoken in a minute and I knew I needed to pull up on my sister. It didn’t take me long to make it back to the crib. When I pulled up, all the lights were out. Knowing Pit Pat, I knew she was in bed, but up waiting until she heard me come through the door. I hit the alarm on my whip and made my way into the crib. Disarming the alarm, I quickly stepped in and set it back again before making my way to my room. As I walked passed Golden’s room, I wanted to stop inside and talk. Knowing how angry I was with her for lying, I knew that me going in her room tonight would end with me going the fuck off on her tonight, and I didn’t need to wake Gyan up.

  I pushed my door opened and walked through the seating area and made it to my bedroom. When I got to my bedroom area, Golden was in my bed reading a book. She was always reading a damn book and would want to discuss it soon as she was finished. I cleared my throat and she looked up from her book. With a weak smile, she placed the book down and stared right into my eyes. My eyes couldn’t help to wander up her legs as she laid in my bed in a pair of my boxers and sports bra.

  “Hey,” she softly greeted me.

  “What’s good?” I nodded my head as I kicked my boots off and placed my jewelry on the dresser.

  She pulled her legs under her and rubbed her hands together. “I’m sorry, Yoshon. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear,” she started.

  “Oh yeah? You didn’t mean to lie to me?”

  “You know I didn’t, Yoshon. I had to protect myself; I h
ad to make sure that you knew nothing about my past. Maybe, I wanted to create a different life? Not think about the past year of hell that me and Gyan had been going through. It felt nice having someone not know who I am, or who I’m married to. Yoshon, everything I told you about myself was the truth. I’m the same person; I just lied about my past.”

  “See, what you don’t understand is that you lied. How the fuck am I supposed to trust anything that you have to say out of your mouth? Is Gyan even your child? Or did you kidnap his ass while you were on the run?”

  “I need to move, Yoshon. We’re going to be leaving in a few days, soon as you deposit my first check.”

  “The fuck?” Out of everything, I didn’t think she would say some shit like this out of her mouth.

  “He knows where we are, and I can’t risk anything happening to us. Yoshon, I appreciate everything that you and Pit Pat have done for us, but I can’t stay here and act like he doesn’t know where I lay my head at night.”

  “Why you so scared of him?”

  “You went deaf when I screamed he beat and raped me?”

  “Nah, but he did say you tried to kill yourself and your son, so can you see where the fuck the confusion comes in at?”

  Sniffling, she looked away and then stared me right in the eyes. “After I had Gyan, I was overwhelmed with everything. I didn’t have a mother there to help or teach me how to be a mother, and I didn’t have a man there to help me either. Grand was busy with the streets and was never home. Gyan was a fussy baby and cried all day long, so yes, I went through postpartum depression. I could barely pull myself together to get out the bed, so how was I supposed to raise a newborn baby? Grand was in and out, and when I needed his shoulder to cry on, he told me to man up and went on about how his mother raised him and his sister without a man or money, so I needed to be grateful that I had both and stop whimpering around.” She looked away and tears dropped from her eyes.

  “Don’t speak on it if it’s too hard.” I sat in front of her on the bed.

  “No,” she sniffled. “I need to get this out. My doctor saw the signs immediately and put me on medicine. The medicine helped for a while until I started to feel suicidal. I would literally hold Gyan while feeding him and thinking of killing the both of us. We didn’t have a place or reason to be in this world. One night, I packed Gyan in his carrier and got behind the wheel of my car. I pulled out of our gates doing ninety miles per hour, zipped right by Grand and didn’t even know it. He circled back around and followed behind me while calling my cell phone. I ignored him and drove to a drop off I knew about. Thinking back, I get chills because how could I have thought of killing myself and my son?” she cried out and I reached out and held her in my arms.

  “I’m sorry, Gold. I didn’t know that shit and wished you would have told me sooner.” I kissed her on the forehead as she broke down.

  She leaned up and wiped her face. “Long story short, Grand was able to get me to slow down. I told him everything, and he got our son out the car and got me the help I needed. It was a side effect of the medicine that caused the suicidal thoughts. I’ve been on different medicines since and they’ve all made me feel like death. I wasn’t myself and felt like I was just a shell of myself. When Gyan turned a year old, I finally got it together and got rid of my medicine. I started working out, bringing him along with me and doing for myself. I also had Grand’s sister who talked me out of most my crazy times.”

  “Damn, you should have told me ahead of time.”

  “Yeah, and what would that have solved? You still would have been looking at me differently,” she admitted. “Grand isn’t who is trying to portray himself to be. He beat the hell out of me in front of Gyan, dragged me upstairs and then raped the hell out of me. He did it right in the middle of our bedroom like I wasn’t anything to him, then chuckled and told me to go fix our son something to eat when he was done. Yoshon, I don’t expect you to fight my battles, I just want you to understand them.”

  “You’re not leaving.”

  “I have to,” she tried to convince me.

  If only she knew how much and how far I would go to protect both she and Gyan. Hearing the shit that nigga put her through pissed me the fuck off. What kind of nigga got a wife and then did the fuck shit he did to her? A woman was to be cherished, praised and protected. In return, you would get loyalty from them. Women were the most easiest creatures on the earth to please. While we thought they wanted the world handed to them on a silver platter, they wanted the most simple shit. Changing the trash or fixing them food was shit that meant the world to them.

  “Nah, let me holla at him and see where his head is at.” She nodded her head, and I leaned over and covered my lips with hers. She held the side of my face and then I pulled away. “You trust me?”

  “Yes,” she smiled.

  “Golden, you make me feel like I could move the fucking earth with my pinky. On the real, you make me the happiest I’ve been in a while, and I’m feeling the fuck out of you. Don’t lie to me anymore, you hear?”

  “I promise,” she replied as she allowed me to pull her on my lap and kiss her on the neck. Touching, kissing and smelling her were all senses that let me know that this was what it was supposed to feel like. With Eva, shit felt forced, and half the time I didn’t want to do it. With Gold, I wanted to hold onto her and never let her ass go.

  “I came from Eva’s crib and we fucked.” I’m a grown man, and I wasn’t about to tiptoe and lie about shit. If I was expecting her to be honest, then I needed to be truthful too.

  “I know. I can smell a woman on you. It’s fine. I pissed you off, so we’re even.” She shrugged her shoulders. Taking her face into my hands, I made sure we locked eyes before I spoke.

  “What? Nah, I don’t give a fuck if you ran over my damn hand, it doesn’t give me the right to hurt you back. Don’t give no nigga an excuse as to why he could hurt you… hear me?”

  “I hear you, Yoshon,” she replied and looked away. “Is she going to be a problem? If that’s where your heart is, then go and be with her. I never want to stand in the way of something that existed before I came into your life.”

  “She’s never been a problem and she won’t be a problem. If she becomes a problem, I promise I’ll be the first to let you know.”

  “Okay,” she smiled. “I’m going to sleep with Gyan tonight. I feel like I need to be close to him,” she explained.

  “Ight bet. Have a good night,” I held her face and placed a kiss on her lips. She stared at me for a minute before she hugged me tightly.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For listening to me without judgment. You didn’t have to, and you could have kicked me out, instead, you listened and believed me after I lied to you.”

  “Your mouth can lie all day, but your actions told me the truth soon as you laid eyes on him. Get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”

  “Okay.” I watched as she grabbed her book and switched out of the room. I hated to see her go but loved watching her leave.

  Ha

  3

  Hazel

  I didn’t know what to do, say or feel. It was one thing to deal with Yolani lying about filing our marriage license. On top of that, I had to worry about being pregnant and Yolani having a damn addiction to the very thing she supplied on the streets. It was something I couldn’t even fathom right now. To add the cherry on top, Denim wouldn’t stop calling me or stopping by at the shop. Right now, I wasn’t ready to sit down and deal with this baby. Did I even want to have this baby? He never stopped to ask me how I felt about being pregnant with his child. Denim was who I was supposed to be with, yes, but did that mean I was meant to have a child with him – this way? I leaned back on the couch and shook my head. Right in front of me were the papers that Denim had given to me. Yolani hadn’t made it home last night and I didn’t know what I was going to say to her. The look on Pit Pat’s face broke me more than the fact that Yolani was on drugs. You c
ould tell she was broken and didn’t know what to do. This was a woman that had a solution for every issue that arose, and she couldn’t fix the one issue she knew needed to be fixed asap.

  What did I bring up first? Did I even bring up the fact that I was pregnant? The more I thought of everything, the more of a headache came on. I tried to be everything to Yolani, and to hear that she didn’t file our certificate hurt me like someone tossed a brick at my head. All she had to do was one thing and she never did it. This entire time she had me believing we were something that we weren’t. What was her purpose of this, and if I just found out, who else knew about this? It was all questions that consumed me and made me wonder what the hell was actually going on. Soon as I leaned back in the chair, I heard the door chime and knew it was Yolani. The way she hit the glass on our front door was something she always did when closing the door. My heart felt like it was about to stomp right out of my damn chest and onto the coffee table. Then, my stomach was in knots, and I didn’t know what the hell to do or feel? I felt anger with everything that had been revealed to me, but how did I convey that, so it wasn’t so damn harsh when it came out my mouth?

  “Baby, why you sitting in the damn dark?” She turned the light on in the formal living room. No one ever sat in here, but today, I felt I needed to sit here or else I would use the TV, food or anything else to distract me from bringing up shit that needed to be brought up. She eyed the little box that was under her side of the bed. “Why the fuck you going in my shit?” her tone quickly changed.

  “Going through your stuff? Last I checked, this was my house too.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about it being your crib. If I have shit that’s mine, you don’t need to be fucking touching it” She grabbed the box up and started out the room.

  “How long?” was all I called out behind her.

  “Don’t try and sit here and judge me with your judgmental ass. How the fuck you know I’m using this shit? You didn’t even fucking ask before you got to assuming shit,” she barked on me, which told me she wasn’t only using it, but she was too deep into it.