Married to a Brownsville Bully 2 Page 3

  “Yolani, I’m not a fucking fool. How long have you been using?”

  “The fuck you mean how long I’ve been using? I’ve been working from home, not fucking doing drugs.” She tried to convince herself, because she damn sure wasn’t convincing me.

  “All that sniffling, the jittery behavior, and the agitation all makes sense now. Why, Yolani?” She had it all. A wife, money and a family that loved the hell out of her. What was her reason for using drugs? She had no damn reason except for her being so damn selfish and only thinking of herself.

  “It’s fucking winter! The fuck you mean, sniffling means I’m on coke. I’m fucking cold, Hazel!” she screamed and punched the wall with her free hand.

  “Take a drug test.”

  “Fuck you!” she spewed with so much hate. I had to remind myself this wasn’t Yolani speaking; this was the drugs. I was trying to take them away from her and she was getting defensive.

  “Fuck me? I guess it’s easy to say shit like that to your fake wife, huh?” I stood up and tossed the papers in her face. “All these years I sat here like a fool and you never filed those damn papers.”

  “How the fuck you got these papers? You doing research and shit now? You out here playing fucking Columbo instead of being a damn wife, huh?”

  “This isn’t about me and you know it. It’s about how you’ve lead me on and lied to me for years all because you wanted to have me to yourself. Sitting here all day, I thought of all the times we’ve been through, and you wanted me, and you didn’t want anybody else to have me. So, you went ahead and proposed and then faked a fucking marriage. You’re worse than Love and Hip Hop, Yolani.”

  “Damn, I got fucking cold feet. I saw the man that vowed to love my moms, sit there and murk her in cold blood. It had me shook and made me backpedal. I love you though, Hazel, that shit don’t change.”

  “Oh please. Yolani, you use that same excuse about your mother for everything. You use it when it benefits your ass only. Whenever I try to talk to you about it, or tell you to seek a therapist, you downplay it and act as if you don’t think about it anymore. Now, it’s convenient for you to use it, right? Take this ring, house and kiss my damn ass.” I pulled my ring off my finger and headed upstairs.

  Of course, she followed behind me once she realized that I wasn’t listening to shit she was saying. I didn’t want to hear a damn thing that she had to say. She knew when she mentioned her mother I had a soft spot for her and that would cause me to comfort her. While I spent our entire relationship comforting her ass, where the fuck was she when I needed someone to lean on? She was always in the streets handling something that was more important to her than me.

  “You want to sit here and act like your shit all perfect. I dabble in coke occasionally,” she admitted.

  “There’s no fucking dabbling in coke. You either do it or you don’t. The fact that you’re sitting here trying to downplay how much drugs you actually do is sickening.”

  “What’s sickening is knowing my fucking wife is bouncing up and down on dick when I’m not around, but got my ass sucking her pussy up and down while we’re in Miami!” she raised her voice and tossed her little coke box.

  My voice was caught in my throat. I just knew my shit was airtight and that I had been careful with Denim. We didn’t do anything out in the open, and I went to his apartment, or a hotel when we wanted to get out of his apartment. Knowing Yolani, she probably had someone watching me because she could take that I was so good to her. It made her feel better that she had some dirt to dirty me up some.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I grabbed my suitcase out the closet and went to grab some clothes to toss inside of it.

  “Your ex didn’t come back into town? You ain't been getting dicked down from him? Since we being real, come be real, thot.”

  “Take that back!” I screamed and pointed my finger at her. “Don’t try to paint a picture that isn’t true about me, Yolani. Yes, I got some dick, and I loved it. You know what else I loved? I loved that it wasn’t only about the dick, he spent time with me, cherished me and wanted to flaunt me around. Instead, I was too damn foolish and stupid to see that I was hiding a man that would give me the world, for a woman that couldn’t even give me her last name.”

  “Fuck outta here, that soft ass nigga ain't got no heart. You’re lucky to be with a nigga like me. Look at this crib, your whips, your account, how the fuck you get all of that? I’m the one that bust my ass to provide that shit to you.”

  “And if I would have known the price I had to pay was you being a damn crackhead, I would have rejected all of this,” I replied and wiped away a tear. I refused to cry about this shit any longer. Yolani showed me that she was for herself and that I either needed to get with the program or get the hell on. I chose to get the hell on, not only for myself, but if I decided to keep my child, I couldn’t subject them to her drug-addicted ass.

  “The last bitch that called me a crack head didn’t live to speak about it.”

  “You hate what you are. Oh, my bad; you do coke, so you’re a damn coke head. Except, coke is a gateway to fucking crack!” I yelled and shoved some more clothes into the suitcase.

  While I was busy packing and not paying attention to crackhead Sue, I looked up, and she had a gun pointed right at me. All the air out of my body came out and I stood like a deer in headlights. Did she just pull a fucking gun on me? She pulled a gun on me like I was some rival gang in the street, instead of the woman that had made her house a damn home.

  “If we weren’t done before, we’re officially done. I just want to thank you. Because of you, I don’t have to go through no dumb ass divorce or anything like that. Get some help, Yolani,” I said and grabbed my suitcase off the bed.

  “Where the fuck you think you’re going? One incident and you trying to leave without working shit out.” She sat the gun on the dresser.

  Although I should have been hauling ass out of that house, I plopped on the bed. I felt like I was being mind-fucked or something. What did she mean one incident and I’m trying to leave? It had been a buildup of shit she had done to me. Never coming home, always too busy to spend time with me and the constant disrespect anytime I decided to bring up my issues. Now, I had to find out that I wasn’t legally married, and she had a drug addiction; it was time for me to chuck up the deuces and leave well enough alone.

  “It’s funny that you think it’s one incident when it’s a plethora of fucking incidents that had pushed me to this moment here. I should have been left and I didn’t. Instead, I tried to find the good in you, and as of lately, it hasn’t been much. You see, I love you, and I tried to be there for you and you continued to kick me and not want to be the woman you promised me you would be.”

  “Don’t leave. I’ll leave,” she told me instead. I could tell my words had gotten to her. This whole situation was crazy.

  “No, I want to leave. You pulling a gun out on me doesn’t make me feel any better or makes me feel safe enough to close my eyes and get some rest.”

  “Oh, word?”

  “Word. You lied to me and you lied to me about something that meant a lot to me. I wanted to be your wife even when my family told me I was a damn fool. Silly of me to think that you would change everything for me. Instead, all you have done was continue to make me look like a damn fool.”

  She tried to say something else, but me leaving the room stopped her. I pulled my luggage down the stairs and into the back of my car. Who knew what the future held for me? What if I did work things out with Yolani, or me and Denim worked out and welcomed a baby into this world. At this moment, I didn’t know where the hell my next step to the road that would lead me into my future was. All I knew was that I didn’t feel safe sleeping under the same roof as Yolani. Drugs made you paranoid and you weren’t yourself when you took them. The last thing I needed was to be sleep and this bitch trying to stab me to death. As long as she continued to be in denial about having a drug habit, I wasn’t going t
o be anywhere near her.

  “You need to come on out of this room. Mo is in the living room waiting for you.” My mother held my bedroom door opened.

  Tossing and turning in the bed, I leaned up. “I’ll be down,” I replied and she closed the door behind her.

  Coming back home wasn’t in my plans at all. I could have stayed with Pit Pat and Yoshon, but that meant more questions I didn’t want to answer right now. My parents had a bunch of questions, and I’m sure they were waiting on the perfect moment to dive into them, yet I hadn’t given it to them. It had been two days since I arrived on their front steps with a suitcase and Popeyes chicken. Right then and there, my mama wanted to get right into it, and I stopped her. For the last two days, I hadn’t picked up my phone or left this room, except to eat or use the bathroom. Even then, I would wait until my parents left to go downstairs to eat. It was funny because I didn’t have an appetite at all. Still, I knew I needed to eat for this baby, so it was the main reason I pulled myself out of bed.

  Hearing Mo was downstairs wasn’t a surprise to me at all. She had been calling me and I hadn’t answered. Because it was Mo, my best friend, sister and confidant, I knew the shop was taken care of. I didn’t need to tell her what needed to be done, she already knew and handled it. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a shirt, I slipped my feet into some Givenchy slides and headed downstairs. My hair was pulled on top of my head and hadn’t been combed in days. Still, I didn’t care about any of that shit. All I cared about was getting over this feeling that felt like I was having a heart attack or something. I knew it was my heart hurting because it had just been broken two days prior.

  “You look like shit,” Mo commented when I came sliding into the living room. She remained seated with her legs crossed.

  “Hazel, I’m running to the grocery store before your father gets home. If you need anything, let me know.”

  “Ma, I’m grown. I don’t need you to continue to tell me to call you,” I snapped. It was fucked up, and she didn’t deserve it, and I knew it.

  “If you’re not here when I get back, kiss those babies for me, Mo.” She cut her eyes at me and headed out the door.

  “Now, I know you better apologize when she steps foot back into this house,” Mo wasted no time getting in my ass.

  “She’s been doing that since I came. My mother barely called when I was living with Yolani, so why would I need to call her if I needed her?”

  “You’re not a mother, so you don’t know how she felt. You got married to Yolani and pushed your parents further out of your life. Then, you come and end up on their doorsteps with a suitcase. She’s worried about you.”

  “It’s all too much. I would have checked into a hotel, except I knew she would come looking for me there. At least here, I know she wouldn’t show up here because of my parents.”

  “If she loved you the way she said she does, your parents, God or anybody couldn’t stop her from getting to you. What’s going on?” She touched my hand and the tears flew down my cheeks.

  “I’m pregnant with Denim’s baby, Yolani is on coke, and then I find out that we’re not legally married.” Mo snatched her hand back from me and stared at me weird.

  “Are you kidding me?” was all she said to me. I wished like hell I was kidding. After explaining everything that went down, she gasped and hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry, Hazel. Before anything else, what are you going to do about the baby?”

  “I don’t know, Mo. I really don’t know what the hell I’m going to do; I’m so scared. A kid is something that I’ve always said I wanted, but now that it’s here, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

  “That baby is a blessing. Whatever you decide, you know I’ll support you, but don’t let the situation waver your feelings about becoming a mother.”

  “Mo, I don’t know anymore. I’ve tried and tried, but I think me and Yolani are done. Drugs, Mo? Drugs?”

  “I wish I could tell you that I didn’t see this coming, but I did. Yolani thinks of herself and she has ever since you guys were friends. Why do you think I never wanted to hang around with y’all? Yolani is selfish.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything? You allowed me to marry her and play house with her, all while you and my parents knew she was selfish and hated her.”

  “Baby, I don’t hate a damn person… we voiced our opinion, and you told us what you wanted to do. What did you expect us to do? Lock you in your bedroom? You’re a big girl and needed to do what you need to do.”

  “Well, look at where it has gotten me now?”

  “And that’s not me or your mama’s fault; it’s your own. You stood by and stuck around when clearly she didn’t deserve you. That’s a decision you decided to make.”

  “Mo, what am I going to do?”

  “That’s up to you, baby girl. You need to follow your heart. I know you love Yolani, but are you prepared to be second when it comes to her? With Denim, you know he wants to be with you, are you prepared to be his everything, because that man loves the hell out of you.”

  “This is all too much.” I leaned back on the couch and put my head back. All of this was coming at me too fast and all at the same time. Usually, things happened to people and you gave them time to think about stuff, but I had three very real situations staring me right back in the face.

  “I know it is. Have you spoke to Denim about the baby?”

  “Yeah, and he wants me to keep it. Mo, he wants us, the baby and to be together and he has said it multiple times, and I’ve ignored him.”

  “You have what you’ve been wanting from Yolani with Denim, and you’re ignoring him?”

  “He’s not Yolani though,” I sighed. “I love Denim, I do. Part of me feels like if I move on with him, I’m leaving Yolani. She lost her mother and father; I don’t want her to lose me too.”

  “Girl, stop. Yolani’s mother died when she was twelve years old. I’m not saying there’s a time limit on mourning, especially when the murder happened right before her eyes, but she’s twenty-seven making the same ass excuses she did when she was twelve. She hasn’t went to get help or a damn thing, so you need to stop using that excuse and allowing her to use the same excuse.”

  I couldn’t do anything except laugh because I had just said the same thing to Yolani two days before. Why was it that she couldn’t use that excuse, but I was able to use that same excuse?

  “Look, I need to get Jahryan to his coding classes.” She stood up and grabbed her keys.

  “Coding? I swear you’re raising some black magic children.”

  “Yep, his school offers it at a college near the house. If I don’t do anything else, I gotta make sure my kids are straight.”

  “Indeed. Kiss them for me and tell them auntie will see them soon. How’s the salon?”

  “The salon is good. I had an issue with another technician, but she was straightened out soon as I told her could leave early, and I’ll refer all her clients to other techs in the shop.”

  “Those girls are scared of your ass,” I joked. It was true, but Mo hated when I said that half the shop feared her ass.

  “Uh huh. Let me go pick up my baby, and I’ll see you later. And you better apologize to your mama,” she scolded.

  “I will!” I yelled out as she closed the door behind her. At last, I was able to lay down and have some thoughts to myself. The thoughts soon took the back seat because I was finally able to close my eyes and get some sleep.

  4

  Yolani

  “You mean to tell me that this nigga showed up to the city?” I spoke to Grape as we sat in one of the traps. It had been a little over a week since I had seen or spoken to Hazel. Part of me was worried about her, then the other part of me said fuck her. When shit got rough, she was the first to dip instead of trying to work the shit out. Yeah, I lied about being married and I admit it was my fault and fears that stopped me from filing the correct papers. Me and Hazel were jumping right into this shit full fledge. While she was excited and planning
the rest of our lives together, I was thinking about my money, my crib and my freedom being tossed out the window. I told myself I would file it a month after we got married and never got around to it. Shit, I didn’t think she would ever find out and now that she knew, I could see the hurt across her face. If she didn’t trust me before, I knew damn well she wasn’t about to trust my ass anymore.

  “Yeah, and he said he been hitting you back, and he ain't heard shit from you.” Grape started to get on my case, like he usually did.

  “I mean, he did hit me up, and I admit that, but I had other shit going on too.”

  “Like?” He waited for an explanation and I didn’t have one. Well, I did, but I couldn’t tell him that I almost beat the life out of Cherry because she called me a crackhead, or that I had a fraud marriage on my hands.

  “Nigga, my shit personal. I don’t see you over there trying to tell me about your fine ass sister in medical school.”

  Grape was protective of his baby sister. They both grew up in the same hood me and Yoshon did, except Grape got her out. Soon as she graduated high school, she went on to college and then medical school. When she came home from school, he would go ghost and spend all his time with her. I was a bad influence and he didn’t want her around me. As fine and smart as his sister was, she needed to be around a nigga like me. Shorty was about to be a doctor and I could be getting the legal drugs on the streets. There’s ways I could go about getting them, but if I had a connect to get the drugs that would be even better.

  “Leave Gianna alone,” he sternly warned. “Especially bringing her up in here.” He got upset.

  It was then I looked around and noticed the damn trap was empty. Usually, I would have caught onto the shit when I first walked in, but today, there wasn’t nobody in here, and the shit looked empty as fuck. Grape noticed that I was observing my surroundings and cleared his throat but didn’t say anything.